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Wise Up
June 23, 2008
“My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own parenthood, but it didn’t because parenting can be learned only by people who have no children.” — Bill Cosby.>>
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Ask The Advice Goddess
June 19, 2008
It took me two years to get a divorce from my husband, a jerk I was married to for only 13 months, after knowing him for just nine weeks. (I was 38 and increasingly desperate to get married and have a baby.) I basically gave up on “equitable distribution” because I ran out of steam, but he agreed in our divorce decree and in court, under oath, to give me $7,000 of his retirement monies. Two years and numerous legal letters later, he has yet to comply. Meanwhile, he just published his first novel and is doing readings at local bookstores. I’d like to show up at the last one, and when he’s done, stand up and ask when he plans to pay me. So... out of curiosity, what would you do? Looking forward to a pithy response! — Plotting>>
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Help Me, Harlan!
June 16, 2008
Dear Harlan: I am a student at an elite college. At the end of this year, I will be done with my pre-med studies and will take the MCAT a year early.>>
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Wise Up
June 16, 2008
In 1997, Patricia Racette and Beth Clayton, both opera singers and both lesbians, performed together in Verdi’s “La Traviata” in Santa Fe. They had not known each other before, but did meet at a party before production started on the opera. >>
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Ask The Advice Goddess
June 12, 2008
My boyfriend of two years has been living with his parents for four years. He’s 49, and first said he had an apartment near them but never wanted me to come over. I soon caught on, and he confessed he was ashamed of being in debt and living at home. I gave him another chance because we get along well, except for money. (I’m frugal and he can’t hang onto a dollar.) The biggie happened last week. I discovered he’d actually lived in his parents’ basement with his wife and kids for several years before they divorced. I don’t know if I’m more upset because he lied or because he put his wife and kids in a basement for so long. — Angry Girlfriend>>
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Friend can’t shake addiction to protein shakes, excessive exercise
June 9, 2008
Dear Harlan: One of my best guy friends (my boyfriend’s best friend) has recently become addicted to exercising and eating only protein food.>>
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Wise Up: Education
June 9, 2008
• Recently, students in my junior-composition courses took a CAAP writing-competency test. In the test, my students spent 20 minutes each writing two essays.>>
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Ask the Advice Goddess
June 5, 2008
This year, I’ve been going through the process of divorcing my husband. We’re on good terms and share joint custody of our children. The same night we separated, I inadvertently met someone. I was asking for directions to the restroom and ended up spending the evening with him. After staying with him for a few weeks, I just moved in instead of getting my own place. We haven’t had sex yet – I believe in waiting until I’m married – but I believe I’ve found the man for me. We’ve discussed marriage and starting a family. He accepts my relationship with my ex, and understands my commitment to my children. But, everyone’s warning me I’m moving too fast. Am I wrong for following my heart? — Confused In Love>>
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Help Me, Harlan! High-school graduate struggles with loving her or leaving her
June 2, 2008
Dear Harlan: I’m a senior in high school about to go to college, but my girlfriend is a junior who is obviously not going to college.>>
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Wise Up: Activism
June 2, 2008
On Jan. 8 1999, Wangari Maathai and some friends started to plant a tree in Nairobi, Kenya. Suddenly, 200 armed guards attacked them.>>
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Ask the Advice Goddess
May 29, 2008
I disagree with your advice to “The Hunted,” the woman who said a co-worker was stalking her at work. I agree she should be more direct, but what about “He’s been asking co-workers about me and finding me on breaks” says this guy’s harmless? Sometimes those “little things” turn ugly fast. A woman should heed that warning bell that something’s wrong. Yet, you mocked her, saying, “Come on, a guy at work gives you reason to believe he has a crush on you and the shower music from ‘Psycho’ comes into your head?” Do you really think “Thanks, but no thanks” will deter him? She needs to say it ONCE in front of witnesses. Then it’s Human Resources time. — Wary Woman>>
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Help Me, Harlan!
May 27, 2008
Dear Harlan: This is regarding the recent letter about the college freshman and his shy girlfriend who likes to get drunk occasionally. She has discovered that alcohol frees her from her prison of shyness and that it allows her to associate more openly with others. It’s called “self-medication.” Like many other forms of self-medication, it may lead to more serious consequences. Perhaps a better solution might be counseling. Perhaps then she could feel more free and open with people every day – not just when she gets drunk. Best of all, since they are both college students, such services might be available through their student health services at no cost. Colleges are recognizing that student drinking is a serious problem and are attuned to help. — Curbing Teen Drinking>>
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Wise Up!
May 27, 2008
In World War II, Field Marshall Bernard Montgomery ordered the troops in England to take a 5-mile run. Of course, many soldiers figured they wouldn’t actually do the run. They would fall to the rear, then drop out of the run, find a quiet place to rest until the other soldiers came back, then rejoin the soldiers and run into camp. However, Field Marshall Montgomery had thought of that. He ordered everyone to be loaded into trucks, driven five miles into the country away from camp, then dropped off. The only way to get back into camp was on your own two feet.>>
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Ask the Advice Goddess
May 22, 2008
It’s hard being as conscious as I am, which is why I come to you. I’m a 23-year-old man with high standards and a belief in being honest and frank, which some mistake for cruelty. My knowledge of self and understanding of others makes it hard for me to find a girlfriend. I’ve never initiated dates except for nerdy “going for coffee but she doesn’t know it’s a date” dates. I just can’t shake the feeling that women I’m attracted to have men coming on to them constantly. I don’t want to add to their burden, so I find myself waiting for women to come on to me. This seldom happens, so I end up settling for women who pursue me, which is where my honesty perceived as cruelty comes in. Recently, I became attracted to a co-worker. I told her of my attraction, and asked her to lunch. She agreed to go, but said, “I want you to know it’s just as friends. I have to cover my bases.” This was unsettling, but I still took her. She’s seemed on guard ever since – proving to me that I was a burden. – Insightfully Alone>>
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Help Me, Harlan!
May 19, 2008
Dear Harlan: About a year ago, I met a wonderful man who swept me off my feet. We split up when I hit a rough patch, but now we are back together. However, during our split he moved to Seattle. We both agreed that the only way to truly re-establish our relationship would be if I went to Seattle. I decided to move there for a few months over the summer. I am a college student (age 21), and I am still financially dependent on my parents. Because I needed a blessing from my parents to go to Seattle, I lied and told them that we are no longer dating. I have not lied outright to my parents for some time. I feel very guilty about it. It is now time for them to know about us being together, especially since I have the very strong hunch he is going to propose or suggest that we elope. I want everyone, including my parents, to know that we are together and in love. I"m so worried about this that I have been losing sleep. How can I tell my parents about this lie without losing the close relationship I have with them? - Laura>>
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Wise Up!
May 19, 2008
In early 2008, truck drivers protested $4-per-gallon diesel fuel costs by slowing down or blocking freeway traffic. For example, on the New Jersey Turnpike, trucks crawled along at 20 miles per hour. Near Chicago, they drove with three trucks side by side by side to block traffic, and then they slowed down - way down. Similar slow-downs occurred elsewhere in the United States. Many of these activists are owner-operators who can"t make a profit when diesel fuel costs $4 per gallon. Some of them can"t make the payments on their trucks, which are foreclosed by the banks.>>
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Ask the Advice Goddess
May 15, 2008
My boyfriend of 10 years proposed on Christmas Eve. Excited, I said yes! The truth is, financially and emotionally, he"s not at my level. He lives with his mother and hasn"t had a job the ENTIRE 10 years we"ve been together. He looks at least 10 years older than he is, and I suspected him of having a drug problem, and cheating on me, too. To cut to the point, I simply do not want him. I make $50K a year, own my home, am attractive, in shape, etc. I"m in my late 30s and smart enough to know that the problem isn"t him, it"s me. So, what allowed me to stay so long and waste so much time trying to change him? Why did I work so hard to persuade others he was a great guy when, in my heart of hearts, I knew he was garbage? - Frankenstein"s Fiancee>>
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Help Me, Harlan!
May 12, 2008
Dear Harlan: I"m a 19-year-old, Latina college student who can"t tell whether or not I am spoiled beyond functioning on my own, or if I am living under the tyranny of my immigrant parents. I"ll admit that I live pretty comfortably. My father is a doctor and I get some pretty sweet stuff, but I do not always get what I want, when I want. I"m in a major (nursing) chosen primarily so that I can inherit what my father built (not because it is my passion). I have always been a rather liberal free spirit who misses out, all because mommy and daddy said NO. I had a taste of freedom when I moved into the residence hall of a private university. I experienced more in those three semesters than I could have ever dreamed of. Of course, it took a toll on my grades, so I made the decision to transfer to my local community college to salvage my GPA. Living at home was, of course, not living. My parents" view - more my mother"s view because my father and I have no real relationship other than biological - is that I messed up once, and I am incapable of learning from my mistakes. Therefore, I can"t take a step without a full report, a week in advance. What can I do to persuade my parents to trust me? I refuse to have to ask permission to do anything! - Trapped>>
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Wise Up!
May 12, 2008
When Savion Glover was a child, his mother, Yvette, a single parent with three children, used to ride a bus. The other passengers on the bus knew and liked her, and whenever she was late getting to the bus stop because of the time it took to get her children off to school, the other passengers would make the bus driver wait for her. Yvette took good care of her children. Savion became a renowned tap dancer at an early age, performing in the United States and in Europe. While visiting Monaco"s Monte Carlo, Yvette and Savion came across a nude beach. She quickly took her son to a different location. While the young Savion was performing in 'Black and Blue,' he hung out backstage with the older, long-established tap dancers. Their language was salty, but Yvette knew that Savion would learn much worth knowing by hanging out with his heroes (and getting some male authority figures in his life), so she didn"t try to censor the language used backstage. Instead, she read her Bible, staying close enough to keep an eye on Savion but far enough away that she didn"t hear the salty language.>>
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Ask the Advice Goddess
May 8, 2008
My boyfriend of a year has his own home, as do I. He needs a roommate to help pay bills, and only a woman has responded. She"ll have her own bedroom, but they"ll share a bathroom. He advertised in the campus housing office, so she must be young, or younger than I am (my boyfriend and I are both in our mid 30s). I have an issue with him having a female roommate. What if we have a fight and he doesn"t answer the phone? What if he drinks beers and watches movies with her? I trust him but believe in avoiding tempting situations. He insists he"ll be at my place all the time anyway (which I"ve told him isn"t fair to me), and says I"m just insecure. I said I"m willing to meet her and see how I feel, but he won"t wait to see if others respond (he did once before and ended up stuck). - The Girlfriend>>
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