Reader"s Forum: Mission Accomplished: George W. Bush presidency a success
By Bill Reader
May 12, 2008
It seems that everybody these days is picking on President* Bush just because his approval rating is circling the drain. Way to kick a guy when he’s down, America! Stop misunderestimating our 43rd president* – he’s doing a heck of a job. You just have to consider the known unknowns of what he and his administration have “mission accomplished.” Bush’s logic is not hard to follow, if you are of the same mind; but most Americans just don’t have the intellect to see the brilliance of Bush’s legacy.
The economy is a good place to start. President* Bush has done an excellent job to ensure considerable growth in the obscene-wealth industry. Those who work hard to accumulate obscene wealth have never seen better times, and by investing their wealth to become even more wealthy, that industry has embraced “sustainability.” Meanwhile, those who work in the poor-getting-poorer industry also are having no problems at all – getting poorer has never been easier, and that industry, too, has become stable and sustainable. Mission accomplished!
Related to the economy, of course, are such items as high gas prices, high unemployment, high food costs and high rates of mortgage foreclosure. Again, many Americans aren’t seeing how Bush’s “deciderly” decisions in these matters have made lemonade from a sow’s ear.
Here’s how it all works: The high unemployment rate means more people can stay at home, and therefore not spend so much on gas driving to work. Food is too expensive, too, so there’s no need to drive to the grocery stores – more savings! That money then can be spent on paying off mortgages they couldn’t originally afford. And if they end up losing their homes, then they also lose their pantries and refrigerators, meaning they won’t need to buy so much expensive food to fill such things.
Only a political mastermind such as President* George W. Bush could take a situation in which several individual things that appear to be “blunders” all add up to one big, convoluted success. Again, Mission accomplished!
Another example of Bush’s innate ability to put two and two together to get “22” is the intricate policy dance that connects his education policy and his legacy of government corruption.
The president’s* “No Child Left Behind” policy to enforce uniformity across our nation’s public schools has resulted in fewer and fewer distracting “frills” in our schools, which only encourage individualism and autonomy among our children. We don’t need that – this is America, after all, where we are all morally obligated to think the same! And just in case a few children do manage to develop minds of their own, Bush has made it even more difficult for them to obtain financial aid and student loans to develop their insidious autonomy habits in our hopelessly progressive colleges and universities.
You may be wondering what those successes in education policy have to do with government secrecy. You’re not alone. Bush’s brilliance in that regard is so obtuse as to be almost imperceptible. But, again, apply a little Bushian logic, and the truth become clear: If our government enacts policies that make young people less educated, they simply won’t care about what the government does behind closed doors.
No-bid contracts to the president’s* friends? No problem! Spending billions of taxpayer dollars to bail out American corporations that made huge mistakes? That’s just good old fashioned neighborliness. Heck, most people are so ill-informed and disillusioned about government that they don’t even vote! And those who do vote don’t seem to care much about a little vote-tampering here and there. They’ll just want to “move on” and “get over it,” which just encourages those in power to keep on doing whatever they think is necessary without any pesky need for public approval. Outstanding!
Of course, President* Bush’s greatest success is the War in Iraq. Five years ago, he stood on the deck of an aircraft carrier and claimed “Mission Accomplished!” It would have been foolish to end the war at that point, of course – so much more money to be made by the obscene-wealth and outrageous-corruption industries. So Bush has kept the war going for years to benefit both industries – he has even all but ensured that the war will continue even after he leaves office. Talk about staying the course!
The war is also helping the casket, funeral, and condolences-card industries, not to mention the health-care sector that provides treatment and therapy for soldiers and civilians maimed by war. All are doing a brisk business.
Bush even created a whole new, very lucrative business sector in Iraq, the highly profitable “insurgency industry.” It could be bigger than the Internet!
So Bush has successfully brought us war and death, and he is just about ready to see famine become a done deal. Fortunately, he still has several months to execute another brilliant policy initiative that would generate a real Old Testament bout of pestilence, possibly originating in the infested ruins formerly known as “New Orleans.” And on top of all of that, he has given us a few added bonuses, such as legalized torture, widespread poverty, and, if we’re lucky, another Great Depression – perhaps even (dare we dream) a third World War!
All of these messes could take years, maybe even decades, to clean up. He’s given us the opportunity to become the next Greatest Generation! Now THAT’S a political legacy, and for it, President* Bush will certainly be one of the most remembered and misunderstood leaders of all time. Like Nero!
* Get over it, already!
Editor’s note: Bill Reader of Coolville is an award-winning editorial writer who now teaches journalism at Ohio University.
Comments
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primafacie commented, on May 15, 2008 at 1:53 p.m.:
I haven't laughed so hard at a column in a long time. One would think you actually believe this stuff. Keep up parodying the mindless left.
